Joyful Motherhood as an Act of Resistance: Reclaiming Our Narrative as Women of Color
We talk about needing to be strong to make it through challenging times. But what if we built our strength on the foundation of joy?
As women of colour we have often been taught that being strong means prioritising others over ourselves. Motherhood, in particular, reshapes our sense of self, making us feel that thinking of our own needs is selfish. In pursuit of doing what is best for our children and our families, we can forget ourselves.
We Need Strength
Our personal choices are the most intimate - whether we are mothers, aunts, or supporting our families in some other way. It can be isolating because our decisions are subject to all sorts of judgments, bound in a discriminatory neglect of our needs.
This racism is not abstract, it has real life consequences for women of colour, particularly Black women, who, for example, face greater rates of maternal mortality in childbirth. So we face a daunting task in advocating for ourselves and our children from birth. We labour in working with schools, doctors, and in communities to remove barriers and ensure we have the access and treatment we deserve.
As we raise our children we are conscious of the importance of making them feel empowered, prepared and ambitious for their futures. To build their strength, we use our own.
The Strength in Joy
When we face pressures to work harder and be stronger, being joyful can sound frivolous. But defying society’s expectations and fighting against stereotypes of being tireless warriors or selfless caregivers is a victory. Embracing ourselves as whole people, worthy of self-care, is an important and lifelong celebration.
And we are not alone as we evolve as women and mothers. It is wisdom, not weakness to recognize that motherhood is too much to experience alone. As communities, we have long relied on each other for support, and recent trends to doing it all alone are literally making us sick.
Unlearning towards Joy
When we have learned from a young age to focus on others at the expense of ourselves it can take a while to let go of guilt and fully embrace joy as a part of motherhood. But we can find support with friends and family to make new traditions that renew our sense of joy. Or reach out for support to one of the growing number of organizations supporting black mothers, led by black mothers. And don’t forget, therapists, psychologists and mental health professionals like me can provide a nurturing space to grow and feel the empowerment of joy.
We are modeling the habits we want for our children. Showing them that we can thrive and feel joy throughout our lives, even when things are tough, is passing on a lifelong gift.
Remember, you are not alone, I am ready to connect and hold space for you.
Krystal Clear Mind
Krystal Clear Mind (KCM) is a private mental health firm based in San Diego, California, that offers individual, couples, and family therapy for women. Founded by Krystalynn Williams, LMFT, KCM specializes in helping women, particularly Black and non-Black women of color, navigate womanhood and motherhood in all seasons.
